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September 30, 2011

"Uh, I'd like another margarita when you’re done with that bottle."

September 29, 2011

"The Hazards of Public Sex 32 - Oh shit... I think I just cumshot killed a squirrel! "

September 28, 2011

"It’s a silicon sex doll… Practice and get back to me when you can fuck longer than 2 minutes."

September 27, 2011

"Seriously, he’s arresting me! Shouldn’t I be the one blowing him!?"

September 26, 2011

"Now, lets see how you fill this postion."

September 25, 2011

"Suck, fuck, suck, fuck, suck, fuck… it’s never boring around here."

September 24, 2011

"I’m a billionare, Jeeves. What the fuck do I need all this money for? I mean, besides hookers and blow! Well, they don’t come cheap, sir."

September 23, 2011

"I know your secretary. I use to tap that ass and cum all over that bitch in college… Sandra somethin’... Sandra Jenkins now..."

September 22, 2011

"It’s the oil man, honey... He’s going to lower our oil bill by10 cents if I sleep with him."

September 21, 2011

"Hey, moron, that’s where I get off!"

September 20, 2011

"Your craigslist ad said you were hot in the sack, but I didn’t figure you’d burn down my place."

September 19, 2011

"Doc, I don’t know where you studied sex addiction, but how do you expect me to talk about it if your dick is always in my mouth?"

September 18, 2011

"Oh, I thought I was here to be disciplined... I even brought my own whip."

September 17, 2011

"I had to fuck the gas attendant again to pay for gas... It’s his new pump for gas policy."

September 16, 2011

"There’s some lube so you can go fuck yourself!"

September 15, 2011

"Today was the worst day ever... And unlike my boyfriend, who was too busy, your brother tried his best to cheer me up!"

September 14, 2011

"Shit, watch where you swing that thing... I think you knocked out a tooth!"

September 13, 2011

"Would you like your food to go?"

September 12, 2011

"I am such a tease..."

September 11, 2011

"Well, you asked for a long neck... We’re out of beer."

September 10, 2011

"Psst. The bra, lady, lose the bra..."

September 9, 2011

"Breaking news... The D.A. dismissed assault charges today in the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case... Checking the score we find ‘Rich white guys: 1 plus infinity... Poor immigrant women: Zero’."

September 8, 2011

"Honey, I read somewhere that you should never wake someone who is sleep walking."

September 7, 2011

"What was that doctor’s credentials again?"

September 6, 2011

"Can I bum a couple of bucks for some food?"

September 5, 2011

"You’re perfect for me, except in bed... As long as you keep me supplied with batteries for my vibrator…Then yes, I’ll marry you."

September 4, 2011

"You tackled me and somehow got your dick in my ass... Why don’t more girls play football?"

September 3, 2011

"He’s trained to bite off the nuts of any man who doesn’t make me orgasm."

September 2, 2011

"How shit works in the world - Oil! I shall give it to the world as my gift! Think of all the sluts who will fuck you if you sell it! Oil! I shall sell it for the bitches!"

September 1, 2011

"Don’t worry, I tell everyone it’s you who fucks the shit out of me. "