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December 31, 2009

"I just banged 15 different women in one night. Porn doesn't count."

December 30, 2009

"I loved the part where you screamed, 'that's my ass, stupid!'. But I fucked it anyway."

December 29, 2009

"I've got to call your husband... He bet me you'd never take it in the ass."

December 28, 2009

"Fine, leave! I'll just jerk off! Long and hard! Then I'll move!"

December 27, 2009

"... then, when you're done fuckin'it, you can eat it... Can't do that with a guy."

December 26, 2009

"Unless it's girls doing a gang bang with 3 black dudes who're going to give her a cum bath... I'll pass on the chick flick."

December 25, 2009

"The elves are group fucking some hot blond. They said to tell you to eat some cookies and shut the fuck up about your schedule."

December 24, 2009

"Well, If this is all you want for christmas... I'll oblige you."

December 23, 2009

"Times are tough... We can't even afford lube for anal."

December 22, 2009

"Squirting my name in the sheets was a nice touch, babe."

December 21, 2009

"I had a choice to make... Keep you or lose my internet porn... You understand I had to make the obvious choice."

December 20, 2009

"My therapist said that I should stop watching porn, and wrote me a prescription to bang at least one chick a day..."

December 19, 2009

"Nice try to cheer me up... But my girlfriend swallowed."

December 18, 2009

"I'm getting wood... There must be a girl in this bar who'd fuck me and let me jizz in her ass."

December 17, 2009

"I really want to impress this girl I'm dating. So could you guys move this threesome with the stranger you picked up someplace else?"

December 16, 2009

"Yes, I realize you're a porn star and I still spank it to your movies... I'm ironic."

December 15, 2009

"You're banging the neighbor!! Yes, but her marrage is healthy. Mine is the one on the rocks."

December 14, 2009

"Your schedule is open for next week, should I just put down fuck the secretary or jerk off to porn?"

December 13, 2009

"For a welcoming commitee, you guys sure know how to make a girl feel welcome."

December 12, 2009

"I have a bunch of Mardi Gras beads too... Except, they're up my ass right now."

December 11, 2009

"Do you have any assets? Assets? Does that mean anal? I love anal. Your loan has just officially been approved."

December 10, 2009

"I'm thinking of leaving the nunhood."

December 9, 2009

"I can tell you're fantasizing about me again."

December 8, 2009

"Sure, I fucked and posted the video and millions of people saw it... I did it to make you mad, because I know you love make up sex."

December 7, 2009

"We're here to rescue you!Go fuck yourself!"

December 6, 2009

"Yes, I'm here to rob you. But I noticed your porn collection. So, if you'd give me some privacy."

December 5, 2009

"I bought a vibrator, tried it, loved it. Now get the fuck out! You're useless to me."

December 4, 2009

"It's not my fault, he dared me to... You know I always take a dare."

December 3, 2009

"But we just fucked like an hour ago. I know it's wierd, but every time I have you, I'm always horny an hour later."

December 2, 2009

"Hummm, tastes like chicken..."

December 1, 2009

"Hey, I found the remote!"