December 31, 2009 |

"I just banged 15 different women in one night. Porn doesn't count." |
December 30, 2009 |

"I loved the part where you screamed, 'that's my ass, stupid!'. But I fucked it anyway." |
December 29, 2009 |

"I've got to call your husband... He bet me you'd never take it in the ass." |
December 28, 2009 |

"Fine, leave! I'll just jerk off! Long and hard! Then I'll move!" |
December 27, 2009 |

"... then, when you're done fuckin'it, you can eat it... Can't do that with a guy." |
December 26, 2009 |

"Unless it's girls doing a gang bang with 3 black dudes who're going to give her a cum bath... I'll pass on the chick flick." |
December 25, 2009 |

"The elves are group fucking some hot blond. They said to tell you to eat some cookies and shut the fuck up about your schedule." |
December 24, 2009 |

"Well, If this is all you want for christmas... I'll oblige you." |
December 23, 2009 |

"Times are tough... We can't even afford lube for anal." |
December 22, 2009 |

"Squirting my name in the sheets was a nice touch, babe." |
December 21, 2009 |

"I had a choice to make... Keep you or lose my internet porn... You understand I had to make the obvious choice." |
December 20, 2009 |

"My therapist said that I should stop watching porn, and wrote me a prescription to bang at least one chick a day..." |
December 19, 2009 |

"Nice try to cheer me up... But my girlfriend swallowed." |
December 18, 2009 |

"I'm getting wood... There must be a girl in this bar who'd fuck me and let me jizz in her ass." |
December 17, 2009 |

"I really want to impress this girl I'm dating. So could you guys move this threesome with the stranger you picked up someplace else?" |
December 16, 2009 |

"Yes, I realize you're a porn star and I still spank it to your movies... I'm ironic." |
December 15, 2009 |

"You're banging the neighbor!! Yes, but her marrage is healthy. Mine is the one on the rocks." |
December 14, 2009 |

"Your schedule is open for next week, should I just put down fuck the secretary or jerk off to porn?" |
December 13, 2009 |

"For a welcoming commitee, you guys sure know how to make a girl feel welcome." |
December 12, 2009 |

"I have a bunch of Mardi Gras beads too... Except, they're up my ass right now." |
December 11, 2009 |

"Do you have any assets? Assets? Does that mean anal? I love anal. Your loan has just officially been approved." |
December 10, 2009 |

"I'm thinking of leaving the nunhood." |
December 9, 2009 |

"I can tell you're fantasizing about me again." |
December 8, 2009 |

"Sure, I fucked and posted the video and millions of people saw it... I did it to make you mad, because I know you love make up sex." |
December 7, 2009 |

"We're here to rescue you!Go fuck yourself!" |
December 6, 2009 |

"Yes, I'm here to rob you. But I noticed your porn collection. So, if you'd give me some privacy." |
December 5, 2009 |

"I bought a vibrator, tried it, loved it. Now get the fuck out! You're useless to me." |
December 4, 2009 |

"It's not my fault, he dared me to... You know I always take a dare." |
December 3, 2009 |

"But we just fucked like an hour ago. I know it's wierd, but every time I have you, I'm always horny an hour later." |
December 2, 2009 |

"Hummm, tastes like chicken..." |
December 1, 2009 |

"Hey, I found the remote!" |